Let’s face it. Your breakup is a big transition. While you aren’t who you used to be, you’re not who you will become yet either. You are caught in the middle—somewhere between uncertainty, potential, doubt, and hope. But trust that your new life does await.
After a breakup, you are different. Even though you are filled with chaos, shock, and turmoil, you can choose to see your breakup as a window of opportunity. Look through the window. The window shows you who you will become. It is a metaphor for the desires, wishes, and urges that come to you. I urge you to listen carefully to these soul callings, because this window is open now. The good and bad news is that it won’t be like this forever.
It’s YOUR time to create a new life! Do this in a way that honors your natural rhythm of transition.
Your inner critic will try to boss you around. It will send you messages that you should have moved on by now, you should be feeling better by now, you should stop thinking so much, you should just go find another lover.
But you’re doing it your way, by listening closely to your soul. You can tell the difference between your inner critic’s badgering and your soul’s calling by sitting still for a moment and feeling the sensations in your body. When you have a thought or feeling and your body feels expansive (a pleasant sensation), that’s your soul’s calling. When you have a thought or feeling that makes you contract (an unpleasant sensation), that’s your inner critic.
During my divorce, it was initially hard for me to sit still and face the window of opportunity that was available to me. I went out, tried to keep busy, and avoided the emotions that I feared would overcome me.
There’s nothing wrong with keeping busy as long as you balance it with periods of stillness. Continually running in overdrive will cause you to miss the opportunity to become who you are fully are meant to be. You will be too distracted to hear what your soul is asking for.
When I realized that I was about to miss my opportunity, I began to give myself the gift of slowness, retreat, and relaxation. My soul began to speak more clearly to me – like a gentle unfolding of an expansive message.
Here’s what my soul said, “Stop trying to please everyone else and take care of yourself first. You will be happier when you are more creative. Work with your hands, watercolor, garden. Play your flute. Cook and eat colorful veggies. Play a sport you love. Trust your worth in finances and love. Be satisfied with what is. You can stand on your own. Get more comfortable in your own skin.”
I urge you to look through your window to your new life. If you’re lost and confused, sit still. Feel it all. Let go of the stories of your past or worries about your future so the new you has space to evolve.
What are your urges? What are your desires? What have you tried to squash that cannot be squashed? Take full expression, full permission and start living that dream that is your new life.