During my divorce, I wanted to move on so badly. I was 31 and ready to have kids, but I had to slow down. In order to move on, I had to truly grieve and let go of the baggage. I also had to be deliberate in picking a new partner. If I didn’t do those two things, I would have just repeated my pattern and been stuck with someone similar to whom I had just left! It took a lot of willpower and support.
I imagine that it will take a lot of willpower and support for you too. I understand how badly you may yearn to quickly put the pieces back together and find a new love who can meet you in all your dreams and goals.
But hold up, because if you’re not patient, you will bump up against the barriers to attracting the kind of new love you desire.
Here are the 3 most common barriers to attracting new love after a breakup.
- You are stuck in your pattern of picking the wrong partners.
- You are scared of being alone.
- You think you don’t deserve the best lover for you.
Working with me one-on-one is the fastest way to overcome these obstacles, but for now, I will share a few tools to get you started.
You are stuck in your pattern
There is no shame in being stuck in your pattern. Have you wondered why you’re in ‘this’ situation again? Have you thought things were going to be different and after a few months, there you are again?
The first step to get unstuck from your pattern is to identify your pattern.
To help you identify your pattern, talk with your best friend or someone who you trust to tell you the truth. Have a compassionate and candid conversation with the intention of identifying your relationship pattern.
You are scared of being alone
I’ve been there. You go to dinner alone and the server says, “JUST one?” And you want to bite her head off because that’s the 13th time today someone has commented on how you are alone.
Your inner critic will make a big deal about how you’ll be alone forever. But you won’t. I promise.
When you get good at being alone, when you’re really not looking, he’ll be there.
Here’s what you can do for now: Make it fun. At first, you may have to fake it, but this can be an exciting time to get to know who you are again. What movies do you like? What books do you want to read?
A lover takes up a lot of time. Time is a commodity that you have plenty of right now. Make time work for you. Find out who you want to be and the types of friends you want to surround yourself with. Uplevel your life in creative ways.
You think you don’t deserve the best lover for you
Many women wait until a man shows interest in her, and then she jumps right in. But the guy she’s most attracted to, or has the most to lose by approaching, that’s the guy who gets away.
Pretend for a moment that being rejected could do no harm. Pretend that your confidence is so hard-wired to your spiritual essence that nothing could bring you down. What would you do? Who would you approach?
This is a mindset of courage and confidence. This is a mindset where you overcome your fear of rejection. For now, pretend until it becomes real for you.
Remember, I’m here to help with these barriers. The first step is the hardest, but just think, you’ll be on your way to overcoming obstacles that have been in your way for a long time. And once you overcome one obstacle, it’s catchy. You’ll be moving on to get what you want in every realm of your life.