Shut Up or Speak Up? Using Your Inside Voice

When I was a young professional in my 20’s, I never stood up for myself when a boss would have a sly comment, or someone would throw me under the proverbial ‘bus’. And at home, with my boyfriend, I would get mouthy and use my voice as a weapon to protect myself from judgment and pain.

I couldn’t calibrate when to speak and when to allow silence to speak for me.

And to add to the timeliness of this discussion, Mercury is in retrograde. I’ll give you the simplest break down of what that means. Mercury is the planet of communication. Retrograde means we go inside.

Now is a great time to delve deep into our subconscious (our spirit) and find our inside voice and our outside voice.

Are there times where you wish you would NOT have said ‘that’? Are there times where you wish you WOULD have spoken up? Sometimes we could kick ourselves because we think of the perfect thing to say ‘after’ the fact. This happens throughout our life.


My hope is that we get more personal power and awareness regarding the inner voices we have and the choices we make with our voice.



When we stand completely in our power and trust the knower within us, we KNOW when to speak and when to be quiet. That is when we are centered. Just the very circumstance of being in a large group of strangers, or being in a situation where we feel powerless are the circumstances where we it is imperative to know our voice. But these are the very circumstances that naturally throw us for a loop.


For us moms, circumstances like these begin during the initial trimester of pregnancy. There are things we don’t know and things we want to leave to the experts. It’s easy not to speak up when we put the professionals in charge. And our hormones are racing and we’ve never been ‘here’ before. This is a recipe for voice amnesia. Do I even have a voice? Could anyone hear me whether I did disagree or question?  The Shitty Committee inside our heads can also silence us when it’s the most important time to talk.  Click here to learn more about the Shitty Committee.


Uncertainty in the world is a given. Using our analytical brain can only get us so far. The decisions in pregnancy, postpartum, and through the child rearing years are some of the toughest questions. We have to find a voice to make clear choices. We have to find ourselves through the decisions we make for our family.


If you’re like most women, you’ve been raised to ‘be nice’. Whether or not you think yourself a rebel, you probably are nice to other women who smile and say hello. Sometimes it’s easier to not have opinions, to not rock the boat.


I dropped my daughter off at school the other day and smiled at one of the other mothers. Then I thought to my self, “Self, you don’t really like her.” And I felt this liberating peace that I didn’t have to smile if I didn’t feel like it. I don’t need to voice to her that I’m not a fan, I just want to be aware of how I feel, and where I lose energy overthinking or trying too hard to be someone’s friend just because.


What does your inner voice say about the desires you push down for fear that you’ll be perceived as high maintenance? What does your voice say when someone outwardly hooks you into fury and anger? What do we do with all this emotion when we feel we need to be quiet? If you’ve had a miscarriage, did you decide to suffer in silence? Why don’t we think to ask for help when we don’t want to go to that appointment alone?


All these questions bring to light the emphasis on trusting your inner knower.


Here are three tips on building this muscle and practicing:


  1. Have a talk that you like to give. What are you interested in sharing? What is part of your purpose that you feel must be shared with the world through your voice? Here are some examples:
    1. Your stance on Fracking
    2. The Nutrition you Know that Keeps you Healthy
    3. Secret knowledge of Health Care
    4. The Real Scoop and Strategies on Taking Care of your Elderly Parents
    5. Technology and Productivity

Whatever the urge you have to share with the world, write it down, have a 15 minute to 1 hour long presentation that you can present anywhere.


  1. The only way to find your voice is to speak out loud. The benefits are immense for gaining personal power and presence. It’s just not the same to write a book or to journal, though it can begin to grow through those mediums. Find your local Toastmasters organization and go as a guest to see how they stretch themselves through public speaking.


  1. Open Mic night. Go and be creative and feel and sense and share and notice how you feel afterward.


If you are saying, I could do this! Great! Set a date in your calendar. Find the place to go and do it! If you are saying, this will never be me, then I don’t want to take anything away from you, but I’d like you to meditate on how your voice shows up and/or doesn’t show up in daily life, and how it affects you getting your needs met.


Share what you think about this blog with your voice.