Ahh Parenting … The Chaos of Being a Mom

Being with chaos is about the toughest thing for a high-achieving, organized, mountain mover concerned with the getting on with the process and moving forward.  To me, I used to think the only folks who could handle chaos were artists because they were floaty airheads. (Forgive me for my past judgments.)

Chaos used to be what I wanted to side step because it was a waste of time to the bottom line. Because there was no logic in it, I could see no value in chaos.  But after much awareness and practice, I see chaos in a whole different light.  Some examples of the chaos I’m talking about are when a meeting gets emotional and we have to slow down and see why Joe was crying, or when we are cooking dinner and our children keep stepping on our feet.

“Being with” chaos is similar to being in the “I don’t know” of it all. 

This uncertainty has lots of potential for opportunity, creation, and aliveness if we can stay with it. 

I’m not saying we need to get cozy and comfortable with it, I’m saying that there is value in it and much to learn about life, love, and spirituality here. 

Life.  Love.  Spirituality. 

Pain and suffering is part of life, and it always includes chaos of being and often chaos of action.  And whenever happens:  pregnancy, childbirth, surgery, illness, loss – it’s time to prepare us to be stronger and more resilient.  It’s a resource if we can move through it.  Authentic living BEGINS with our acceptance of what is given.  

As for me, I feel like a horse chasing

birds that cross the sky.  When they fly

out of view, I know I’m a hawk born as

A horse.  

Here’s what I learned about chaos — It is a precious thing that our egos often reject outright. We have ways of protecting ourselves from chaos because it comes with intense emotions and consistent habits.

As I’ve learned to accept chaos, I’ve found deeper and more meaningful relationships, ideas, creations, inventions, and results than I ever thought possible.

Today, gave me the perfect lesson in accepting chaos when my daughter topped her personal record hissy fit.

We were a quarter mile from our house on a walk.  Now, I knew she was tired, so I brought the stroller.  I was thinking I was smart and in control.  She weighs 40 pounds, so I’ve been advised not to carry her anymore since I’m pregnant.

She knows this and hates it. 

She walks for a while and then decided to get in the stroller. 

I pass the trail where she thinks we should go, and she begins to shake the stroller with her fits of rage.  I keep walking, hoping that I can enjoy this beautiful 70 degree November day.

She has other plans. 

She gets out of the stroller and starts walking the other way. Then she “can’t walk,” and she can’t get in the stroller to go back either.

She MUST BE CARRIED.

I watch her rage, and it’s kind of funny and kind of scary and kind of sad.  I begin to lose my sense of humor when it goes on and on.  Really?

Can there be that much anger in this tiny body with such a sweet face?  What’s this really about?  So I apply the 3 lessons from above ((delete or explain how)).  I try not to lose my temper, but when she accidentally punches me in the face because her arms are flailing, I have to access resources I thought I never had.  And of course, 8 guys walk down the trail right as we’re having this scene.  I’ve never seen that many people walking on this trail before in my life.  Why God, Why?  She was being so LOUD! I thought someone might try to intervene.

Chaos?  You bet. I’m open to the mystery; I’m staying in the uncertainty.  I’m trying to keep observing in an unattached way.  I drop in and out of acceptance.  But overall, I’m proud of myself, and I take care of myself while continually sharing that I can hold her and I can love her and I can hug her, I just can’t carry her.

Life is chaotic. We don’t always get what we want. Big lessons for little ones — and their moms.