Key #5 Stop Escaping and Slow Down to Listen to Your Heart

Key #5 to a Drama-Free Breakup

Through my 20’s and 30’s I was in a hurry.  I chewed fast, I showered fast and I rebounded fast.  I savored few things.  I missed out on what my heart was trying to tell me.  The language of the heart is slow and steady.  It’s a rhythm of peace and kindness.  When I rushed through my life, I was not able to connect with those that I loved.  Most importantly, I wasn’t able to connect to my own heart, because I flew through my days, ignoring my delicate passions and true desires.  My heart suffered because of this habit.

Key #5 Stop Escaping and Slow Down to Listen to Your Heart
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If you want to achieve a drama-free breakup, you’ll need to find a steady and peaceful rhythm to keep yourself from denying your heart.   For example, when you get worked up after a fight, take some alone time to reflect.  Get an objective coach who can kindly and boldly point you in a drama-free direction.  When you feel lost and alone, journal.  That’s a great way to listen to what your heart desires.  If you continue to deny and abandon your heart, you won’t be able to claim the life you love.  You’ll continue to have knee-jerk reactions, which perpetuate the breakup drama.

Here’s some ways that you may deny your heart without even really being conscious of it:
  • Drinking alcohol
  • Rebound sex
  • Blowing off the breakup when speaking about it to friends and family
  • Giving yourself a deadline to be over the breakup
  • Being hard on yourself when you get emotional
  • Keeping so busy, you never have time to reflect
  • Burying yourself in your work

This list is full of ways to escape and deny your situation.  The heart’s natural pull is to be.  None of the activities listed allow you to just be.  You’re doing something so you don’t have to face the deep emotions that your heart yearns to express.  When you take the time to face those emotions, your life will be drama free.

During my divorce, I attempted to forget that I had feelings at all.

I denied myself any sweetness, picked myself up by the bootstraps and carried on like nothing happened.  I began dating right away, and escaped with alcohol.  I submersed myself in work without breaks.  I drove myself like a jockey with a whip, demanding my heart be over this now.

I did not take the time to truly grieve, to slow down and feel my heart’s emotions.  This led to lots of wasted energy due to a large amount of breakup drama.  For example, I did not demand no contact, which created a lot of drama because each time I thought of him, I called him.  I couldn’t sit still enough to see that my heart needed a break.  I was acting on a knee jerk reaction and my heart was paying the price.  I also kissed boys and escaped with alcohol because I didn’t want to face the hardship that was before me.  The transition could have been much smoother if I would have stopped trying to escape and deny my situation.

This type of lifestyle gives no room for your heart’s affairs.  Your heart needs to grieve in order to clear the clutter and pick up the pieces. This part of the process is necessary for a drama free breakup.

Don’t make the same mistakes I did.  It can be so easy if you listen to your heart.