Boy do I have cool stuff available for you to make you really start feeling like your life is extra-extraordinary. Who doesn’t want to electrify their life in ways that feel fulfilling, creative, and unique?
When I started paying very deliberate attention to my thoughts, I saw a plethora of internal characters sabotaging against my personal growth and rite to free will! This is why it can be so difficult to make lasting changes in our actions when this committee is in full session telling us lies. It was the missing piece to my puzzle. I now had the consciousness to notice these negative heavy voices coming from all different directions. And by noticing, I could see what was getting in the way of my extraordinary life. They’re aptly named the shitty committee.
We all have them and we all would be better off to know them, to shine light on them, so they cannot surprise us anymore. My committee will differ slightly from yours in details and voices, but they’re basically the same. It’s a construct we built up to protect ourselves before we could fully communicate our needs. Through time, it’s naturally become distorted.
My main 5 board members are ruthless. If you’re a high achiever like me, you have the loudest saboteurs. It seems ironic, but nonetheless it’s a godsend to know. The first one to mention is the Finding-Evidence-That-Everything-You’re-Doing-Is-Wrong member. As this member shows his stuff, I’m thinking no matter what, it’s futile. I shouldn’t even try to venture out of my comfort zone because I’m going to mess it up anyway. In fact, I should go play Candy Crush Right Now!! The 2nd board member who speaks the loudest and the most often is the You-Should-Be-Better-Than-You-Are member. This one compares me to others in an unfair way and I always come up short again. It’s a tough one to combat because dealing with rejection is no fun.
Self rejection and self judgment are the dark places for the shitty committee to throw a big party. They distort reality and they make it seem like living an extraordinary life is out of the question for you, specifically. Others can have it, but not you.
So now what?
Your first assignment is to just notice how much negative self talk is going on in your life moment to moment. How do you notice something that can be so deeply seeded and subconscious? Take a moment and notice how your body is feeling. Map in your mind the places in your body that are tight and tense. See if there’s a voice attached to it that is telling you the same thing over and over, like a recording on repeat.
For instance, it could go like this:
Okay, my left shoulder is SUPER tight. I’ll breathe into it, take a break for a moment and close my eyes. What’s there now? Oh, wow, I didn’t realized how stressed I was about money. Okay, what message am I sending myself over and over and over? You begin to hear the illogical judgments of the saboteur. They could go something like this, “You’re never going to amount to anything because you’re lazy.” Or, “You quit that great job because you’re stupid. No one does that!” The message and the feeling in the body are linked together. You can notice the body first, or the message first and just spend some time noticing the limiting beliefs that you post on yourself each day. We’ll go deeper into some relief once you’ve practiced noticing.
Going to the other side of the shitty committee, a place of trust and spirit, I have an offering, a poem by Goethe. When I quit my day job and became a coach, I sure needed this poem to hold on to. When we make changes, we need the support not just of people, but of poems and things we treasure. What do you want to commit to in your life now? Let this poem be your touchstone.
Until one is committed
There is hesitancy,
The chance to draw back
Concerning all acts of initiative (and Creation)
There is one elementary truth
The ignorance which kills countless ideas and splendid plans
That the moment that one definitely commits ones self
Then Providence moves too.
All sorts of things occur to help one
That would never otherwise have occurred.
A whole stream of events issues from the decision
Raising in one’s favor all matter
Of unforeseen incidents and meetings
And material substance
Which no one could have dreamt
Would have come your way.
Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
To relate, I think of two unforeseen incidents and meetings that occurred in my life. I’m hobbling along to physical therapy this spring for a knee check up when I see an old teacher of mine from 10 years ago. This begins a series of meetings that lead to a perfect opportunity for me to express my life purpose in the world and get paid!
Another instance comes to mind, a client mentioned a leader with whom I could do great work. With hope, commitment and persistence, I got a meeting with her, which led to several booming group classes that allow me to do more of my work in the world.
What’s the takeaway here?
It’s easy to go into lack and doubt (the shitty committee) when dealing with the day-to-day grind. Gravity just goes that way. But with a little clarity, focus, self-care and lots of good rest, you can stay fresh and vital to the coincidences in your life. You can stay awake, friendly and open to the multitude of possibilities available to you. Your life becomes more enjoyable and fulfilling. The dullness of routine subsides and aliveness enters and stays!
Remember that every other Tuesday, I host a lively and insightful teleconference about how to be a Relaxed Parent. Each month, there is a different topic. The topic for this month comes from one of the Ten Habits of the Relaxed Parent, Impeccable Self Care. As you can guess, self-care is different for everyone and there are reasons we do and reasons we don’t always comply with our best interests. Join us to discuss new and improved ideas to motivate and to easily care for yourself.
Because if mama ain’t happy, nobody happy!
Learn from Kate:
Did you know that there’s a great book out there called, Anatomy of Peace, that spells out how to get along with anyone? When I think of how my daughter really knows my buttons, I look to the Peace Pyramid for relief.
You see how the bottom is the foundation to build from. Without going into too much detail about getting out of the box – the basics are that we need to see people as humans, not objects that are in the way. We need to feel peaceful and it’s up to us to conjure that feeling of good will. When my daughter is pressing all the right buttons, I realize that correcting (the tip of the pyramid, the action you’re supposed to do the least) is not going to work for her. She’s just not in a place where she can hear me.
So I must go back to the foundation of the peace pyramid and find her soft spirit in my mind and heart. And from there, just spend some good ole’ fun time with her (the second / third level in the pyramid). This invests in our relationship for later times. Then she may be able to listen to my teachings.
This will help when you want to cringe and stiffen around your husband or your kids during times of trial. Choose to find peace somehow – find a picture of them being their sweet-self and carry it around with you. Remember the beautiful spirit they were born with and feel it in your heart. When you drop your judgments and angst, they’ll usually soften. If the situation needs time, okay. But if you can recover fast enough, go have some good ole fashion fun with them. Be playful, imaginative, and creative. The commitment to your happiness is a great start!