How to stop obsessing about YOUR EX

journalwritingIt starts with an innocent, “I’ll just check in to see if he’s happy.”.  Or, “I’ll send him an email because I want to share an experience I had that made me think of him.”  It ends with a sleepless night, obsessing about what his reply will be because you just had to text him to see how he was doing.

You end up wasting your time ruminating on what could have been or making up stories to yourself about what he’s doing now or worse; you end help contacting him and sink into insecurity and doubt about what he’ll say if he gets back to you or whether he will reply at all.  Either way, it’s a downward spiral to unhappiness bordering on self-torture.

These days, it’s so easy to reach out electronically.  This makes it difficult to cut the cord because you still have a straight line to your ex-lover’s social media, phone, email, twitter, and his friends. In order to stop obsessing, self-discipline is key.

Self discipline means that you wait for your heart to mend before contacting him. If you reach out to him before your heart has mended it will screw up all you’ve been working toward in an instant.”

3 Tips to Stop Obsessing About Your Ex:

1. Write in your journal.

It’s okay to have memories, just write them down so they can flow through your body and heart.  Feel your feelings fully and allow them to disconnect from what was once the story.  Allow them to just be feelings, not linked to anything, only a bodily sensation with a breath.  Like it or not, the story is over and a new story is beginning.

2. Write him a letter that you never send.

Get your thoughts and feelings out on paper.  As you write it, let it go.  Allow the words to melt away so you don’t have to keep going back and forth in your mind with should haves and would haves.  I invite you to whine and cry and carry on until your hand feels like it’s going to fall off and you are all empty of tears.

3. Take a long walk to get out of your head.

While you walk, listen to spiritual texts that speak of exactly what matters – the heart’s expression, and the ways in which we are naturally resourceful, creative and whole. Walk slowly, not trying to get a workout, but ease your breathing down and begin to notice all the things around you.  Let your mind relax and let go of solving, trying, and obsessing.  Allow yourself to notice, feel, and wander.

When you make a point to refuse obsessing, you take a stand for claiming the life you love, which only you can do in your own authentic way.  No more acting unconsciously.