When you know how to break up with your boyfriend, you can rest assure that things will go as smoothly as possible.
(If you fear violence will be part of the situation, that is beyond my scope of practice. Click here for more information on that issue).
For most of us, how to break up with your boyfriend is just a difficult situation that can be made easier with planning, thoughtfulness, and boundaries.
There’s never a good time when ending a relationship, but you can learn the best way to break up by reading How to Break Up with Your Boyfriend: The Top 10 “Must Do’s” Take this relationship advice so that you make a choice to improve your life. Getting over a breakup is just as tough for the one doing the breaking up as the one getting broken up with. They are very difficult roles. You both need time to get over a broken heart.
How to Break Up With Your Boyfriend
1. PUT YOURSELF IN HIS SHOES.
Does he have any idea this is coming? Have you been honest with him and dealt with red flags as they have come up? Or is this out of the blue and he won’t have a clue that you are ending the relationship? Hopefully he knows it’s not fun anymore and is expecting some kind of transition. If he’s clueless, begin to work through your situation together. You may need to know that you have done everything possible to salvage the relationship before you throw the final wrench into it. If you’re pattern is to leave with no trace and no warning, it’s time for you to take a good look at why you do this. This takes us to the second “must do” on how to break up with your boyfriend.
2. BE CERTAIN THAT IT IS REALLY OVER.
As the Breakup Expert, I have had to add a program for those of you who aren’t quite ready yet, and need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you have done all it takes to salvage the relationship. When you want to know how to break up with your boyfriend, you have to decide that it’s really over. You need to take time to focus with your partner on the relationship, deal with the issues you have, and come to terms that it truly is the end of the relationship. Click here to find out more about the Should I Stay or Should I Go Intensive if you are not yet certain that your relationship is really over. Have you gotten relationship therapy or relationship counseling? Have you given it your all for 3 months? Remember:
“No Matter Where You Go, There You Are.”
If you don’t deal with your stuff, it will still be there for the next relationship.
3. BREAKUP IN A PUBLIC PLACE
Go to a park where there are people around, but not too many, or a coffee shop with a private area. Think where you can go that people see you, but can’t here what you’re saying unless there’s shouting. This will keep the breakup civil and you both have somewhere to ‘leave to’. If you break up with your boyfriend at home, you have to kick him out. Make sure that the probability of it getting ugly is minimized. If you need more logistical ideas like this, click here.
4. MAKE THE BREAK UP SITUATION CLEAR TO HIM
Emotions can come upon you in a hurry and make you do silly things you swore you’d never do, that makes for a complicated and dramatic situation. You want to avoid being over-emotional or allowing him to get worked up. Don’t separate from your emotions. Still be loving and kind. But sometimes kindness means moving on from a relationship. When you apply the first 3 “Must Do’s”, making the breakup situation clear will be easier. You can trust your decision because you have thought this through. The time for grieving is later. Now it is time for action. What needs to be said? Write a script, read it, tear it up, and let yourself say what needs to be said in a concise manner. You don’t have to take care of him! He’s a big boy. He’ll get over it, especially when he take some time for himself. Time heals all wounds. Get out of his space in a timely manner and let him begin to heal, too.
5. BE READY TO COMPLETELY SEPARATE FOR 3 MONTHS.
I love to teach you how to break up with your boyfriends because I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I made. When I went through a divorce in my early thirties, I could not believe how much he rejected the separation. We shared a contract with AT&T, and he had my phone turned off! I was livid. I didn’t have the password to get my phone back on and I had to call him to get it ‘figured out’. Please don’t make the same mistakes I did. Make sure you have autonomy in the necessary areas, so that you can go for 3 months with no contact and NO DRAMA. Here’s more on my ‘No Contact Contract‘. If you have kids together, you need to plan even more. Just be sure that you have a place to stay, enough money in the bank, and a support system to help with breakup advice, encouragement, and love.
6. KEEP YOURSELF BUSY FOR THE 48 HOURS AFTER THE BREAKUP
You can plan this for after you tell him. Schedule time to be around your friends. Pick movies that you will want to watch. I recommend comedies, underdog success movies, or action adventure moves that don’t have much to do with relationships. Think, “Caddy Shack”, “Center Stage”, and “Star Wars”. You will have plenty of time to process the breakup. For now, let it stir in the back of your mind, while your logical mind has jobs like being with friends, being entertained, and staying preoccupied with anything but planning, justifying, and second-guessing. Stay off the alcohol and make sure you take impeccable care of yourself for these first 48 hours. You will start off on the right foot, and have momentum for the rest of your life!
7. TAKE UP MEDITATION
Your mind will eventually creep in and tell you all of the reasons you are bad. It’s normal during a transition. You are not bad. Don’t believe the hype. The hardest part of a breakup is when your inner critic drags you down so much that you don’t even know you’re being mean to yourself. All you know is you feel empty and lonely. That’s not true. The inner critic’s job is to keep you from changing. Fight that propensity through meditation! I promise, the Breakup Expert knows that controlling the mind is a blessing through the transition. At first, your mind will reel. Observe the reeling. For more info on how to finally sit still, click here.
8. NO SEX FOR AT LEAST 30 DAYS
If you try to fill the void too soon, you’ll end up with a world of drama. When you have drama, you keep yourself from living your life purpose and we miss out on the contributions you will make to the world. Sure, it feels good, and makes you forget, but not yet. You are not ready so soon after you just learned how to break up with your boyfriend.
9. LET YOURSELF GRIEVE
As you learn how to break up with your boyfriend, you need to let yourself cry. We are very good at distracting ourselves with food, sex, tv, computers, etc… when it’s time to grieve. Yes, the first 48 hours called for healthy distractions, but after that, it’s time to slowly and gently allow yourself to feel the flood of feelings that comes in. After my divorce, I watched the stories I told myself come in to light, but the stories weren’t as important as the feelings themselves. For instance, I would feel desperate and the story would begin. In my mind, the story was, “You’re never satisfied. You will always be alone. Remember that time you thought it was right, but you sabotaged it. That’s just the way you are.” Recognize those stories while you meditate and throughout your day. Let them float away, and allow yourself to feel the core feeling that comes up for you. The feeling will morph into something else right before you feel overwhelmed as long as you stay with it. It’s a skill that I teach, and it takes time and practice to master.
10. UPLEVEL YOUR LIFE
Now is the time for you to dream about who you want to become through this transition. When you are ready for another boyfriend, what will you be like? How will you be different? How will you hold your values dear to you and not lose yourself as you couple up again? Or do you want to stay single for a year, live on your own, get a dog, live on a farm, move to the city. Your life is your life. It is your choice and no one else’s how you want to life it.
My biggest wish for you is to help you through this breakup transition with ease, courage, and trust.Take the next step with me, Get over a breakup with relationship help.
When you take this Courageous Lover Journey and invest in the Kit, you take a stand for your life and your direction. This means that you aren’t out there floating to any guy who’ll pay attention to you or any lover who makes you feel special for a moment. You’ll take charge of your life and speak up for your happiness. You’ll develop a deeper sense of discernment so you no longer waste your time.
Don’t you think it’s a pivotal time to reflect on who you are and how you show up as a lover? This reflection will save you unnecessary drama and wasted time when making the breakup transition. That’s why I created the Courageous Lover Report.