One of the reasons breaking up is so hard to do is because your head and your heart are often in conflict about major breakup decisions. When your head and your heart are conflicted, it creates an incubator for possible drama at every crossroad.
It’s up to you to make a decision to choose a drama free breakup before, during, and after you part ways. Here’s the second key to help you do just that, stay tuned for three more in the coming weeks.
Key #2: Don’t Act on a Knee-Jerk Reaction
Discerning the messages of the head and the heart will keep you from making knee-jerk reactions full of drama, uncertainty, and fear. When you choose a drama-free breakup, there is a harmonious blend of deliberate thought and unadulterated emotion. You rise above the judgment and fear, marrying your own head and heart in each decision you make to move forward.
Shakespeare was right, ‘Reason and love keep little company.’ When you see your plight as a battle of the head and the heart, you are missing out on the potential harmony that the head and the heart can provide.
During my divorce, I had a heck of time completely cutting off the relationship even after the papers were signed. My head said, “He can’t give you what you want.” My heart said, “He’s a sweet and caring man who really loves you.” The head loves values and virtue. The heart loves peace and acceptance.
If I would have hashed out the details of why I couldn’t be with him in a definitive manner, I would have been able to listen and balance out what my head and heart were telling me. I had allowed my heart to override my head, hence creating drama.
When you take the time to find the common denominator between the head and the heart, it becomes possible to achieve a clear focus and action regarding your breakup, keeping out the drama. In the case of my divorce, the common denominator was this: He does love me and is a super kind person. I feel comfortable with him, but I don’t feel safe and secure, which is a very important to me since I would like to bring children into the world. I can’t depend on him to be present with me and I can see that my heart will not be at peace for the long haul with him. When I got clear and focused on the messages of my head and heart, I was able to stay level headed and still compassionate in my interaction with him and myself.
When you notice that your head and heart are at odds, it’s time for a long sit by the ocean or river. There, you will listen and hear the messages of each voice in your head. Writing it down helps make sense of the different messages. Your head wants you to be safe in a way that also honors your heart. The heart wants you to love and be loved in a peaceful and accepting way.